The FMA

Ariah's been talking about this FMA thing. For those of you who don't know what it is, you're not alone. I kinda nodded when he brought it up and then made an excuse about having to go to chapel (ha!) and resolved to look it up later on google. Well that was a bust! I seriously doubt if he was talking about Filipino Martial Arts. I need your help guys! If anyone knows what this is, please let me know. He's been emailing me asking what my thoughts on it are, and so I've just been sending him parts of a paper I wrote a long time ago about Billy Graham, replacing his name with FMA, and I dont' think he's gonna fall for it too much longer. Please help!

Isaac too?

Joel refuses to admit he’s gay and he hasn’t written about it in any of his journals. I’m starting to wonder about Isaac too. I knew homosexuality was on campus but I would have never guessed two of the seven guys of my house would struggle with it. He does the dishes all the time and sometimes he makes comments to me that make me uncomfortable. Not about sexual things at all, but about other stuff, like class and food. I guess I don’t understand his jokes, especially when they are longer ones. Anyways, he may or may not be gay. It’s really not up to me to judge. At least it’s not as obvious as with Joel. (Joel ran to Scripture Press yesterday—I wonder if anyone else notices these things.). Melissa agreed with me, but I think she thought I meant “happy” and I didn’t have time to explain to her because I had to get Logan’s car washed.

Buried under a pile of work

Homework’s really crazy right now so I can’t write much. I have 15 pages to read for Revelation and I need to draw 10 different sizes of boxes for art class.

Something's up with Nate

I came home and said hi to Nate but I said it kind of lower than normal because I didn’t him to know how excited I was, and then he looked at me and moved his eyes a little to the left and then down, and so I wanted to know why, so I didn’t react right away so that he wouldn’t know what I was going for then I raised my eyebrows and shook his hand. He squeezed it not too hard but harder than I did to him, so I worried that he’s thinking something’s up that’s not. I wanted to tell him nothing was up, but I knew he would think something was up if I said something, so I kind of looked at him blankly, hoping he would get the message. Which he totally did, because he walked away real quick, then came back and sat down as his computer. Then he made like a thing with his hand that looked like he was scratching his head, then he did something else I don’t remember. So I know he’s upset but I can’t tell if it’s about yesterday or not. I told Megan about all this, but she thought I was just reading into all of this.

Who Am I?

I’m scared that I’m going to forget who I am. When I go to sleep, I just lay there saying over and over who I am and how old and everything like that, hoping that it’ll help me remember those things in the morning. I’ve never forgotten before, but since I’ve been doing this so much lately, I’m afraid that if I stop, I’ll forget because I’ve gotten dependent on doing it. Amnesia would suck and plus cuz I don’t always believe people, I might not trust them if they try to tell me my real name. What if I woke up thinking I was someone else?? I mean, I’m sure it’s happened. So yeah, I really don’t like going to sleep. Thankfully I still think I know everything about myself that I did yesterday, but I’m not sure. Am I going crazy or does everyone feel like this? It helps to know I’m not alone.

the Festival

Ok, so October 4th is a huge historical festival in Lombard. I’ve been reading all about it online. It looks like so much fun! I want to get the house to go, because we would have so much fun! I’ve never done one of these before. But I’m afraid to bring it up to the group. I don’t think David or Scotty would want to dress up for it. They have a weird dress code at this one, it has to be either green or purple and there has to be at least 5 feet of combined lace. Plus, it would be hard to get 7 of those pointy hats all together in time. Anyways, I don’t think the guys would go for it. I may just go by myself and just stay for the pig weighing competition I read about.

Jade--Fact or Fiction?

Logan last year talked about a girl named Jade. And we all kind of thought he was making it up. Anyways, he started mentioning “her” again and it’s kind of weird. Nate thinks she’s real I think, but no one’s ever seen “her.” I looked the name Jade up on the internet and it’s a type of rock! My guess is someone asked Logan if he had an interest in any girls and he panicked and looked around the room and saw a rock and said he was hanging out with a girl named “Jade.” Anyways, it’s getting a little old now. He made up this whole RDT breakup thing and than a two day later RDT get back together thing. Anyways, it just sounds like he’s too old to be making up some girl. I’m going to have to ask Emily about her, if she’s real. Anyways, I’m not looking forward to confronting him about this imaginary girlfriend in ManShare. I mean, what is he, 17?

I hate it when i can't get there in time

It happened again yesterday. You think with two bathrooms I'd be able to get to it in time. This sucks. Well, it got all over one of the couch cushins. Luckily no one was around this time. I've been really lucky with that. Anyways, i wiped it up the best I could and flipped the cushin around. I just hope no one else in the house can smell anything from it, cuz I can't really tell that kind of thing. I looked online and found a few excersizes I could do to help the problem.

I think Joel is gay

I've been reading some books on homosexuality and they have been really interesting. There were no pictures, which was a plus. Anyways, it listed some signs that someone close is hiding homosexual tendencies. Anyways, and I know this sounds out there, but I'm almost convinced that Joel is gay. He's got 12 of the 14 characteristics. I'm worried now about his relationship with Melissa, because this means it's all a fraud. I don't think it's right for him to try to hide his feelings by dating a girl, which is apparentely exactly what he's doing. I read this could turn out bad. I'm thinking about confronting Joel about his sexual orientation. I don't know what he'll think of it. The important thing for me is to make sure I don't make it worse for him or shame him when I bring it up in ManShare. Also, i want to talk to Melissa about this before Joel to get her take on it because she knows him better than I do.

This is the first and greatest blog ever created.

This blog is intensely personal. I do not want anyone reading it. It is for me and for me alone. If anyone read this, I might as well just die. I would feel dead already. My blog is like my own body--for me only. I don't want anyone else to read my blog, to see my blog, to think about looking at my blog. It is mine. And eventually it will be big. So there's a lot to not see, but no one better see it. It is mine. Personal? Yes. Private? Yes. Blog? Absolutely. Please, if you are reading this, and you are not me, and you know who you are, do not read my personal, private, secret, personal blog. If anyone read this, I might as well just die. I only write in here becuase my thoughts burn within my heart and bowels and other areas and i need to express them to myself--myself alone. This is for no one else but me. And me is not you. Trust me.